Tuesday 10 May 2016

The thing about pain is it demands to be felt

I wanted to start by telling you my story. Before the diagnosis. I wouldn't say that I was particular happy as I was feeling pain and emotional distress that there wasn't a reason for. I was feeling uncontrollable amounts of fatigue that didn't ever seem to subside.

 Ever since I left school in 2012 I have worked. My most recent job was working as a staffing and operations supervisor at Victoria's Secrets. This was until last August as in the previous months i could feel that my body was starting to struggle. I knew that it wasn't just because of the unsociable hours I worked or my muddled body clock.

I had previously suffered with Anemia during secondary school and after weekly B12 vitamin injections I was able to bounce back and complete my GCSE'S.  However, this time the injections didn't work. I felt so exhausted all of the time. Any common cold or cough going around I would catch almost as soon as someone had so much as thought about coughing. I was gradually having to take more and more days of work although I desperately tried to turn up for work everyday and try and work through it.

This eventually became too much for me and with little support from my employers I felt that my only option was to hand in my resignation and leave.

It's safe to say that in the period of time after that and up to the present day I have felt my confidence has slowly been ebbing away and my sense of self worth.  I hate being unable to build a career, have a steady form of income and have to realise that I may never be able to work full time again.  This is something I daily find quite daunting and quite frankly incredibly overwhelming.

I don't want to be unable to live my life the way I want to because of this condition but, the reality is that I can only live day to day.

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