We travel not to escape life, but for life not to escape us

This blog post is a little different from the ones I usually write but, I wanted to talk about something positive which is unfortunately quite difficult when talking about chronic illness. Sometimes all you need is some fresh air, a change of scenery and some good laughs to make you feel better, even if only for a week :)

Laughter is, and will always be, the best form of therapy

Sometimes the hardest part about having a chronic illness is not knowing what is next. Will I ever feel better? Will the pain ever become bearable? Will I be able to work again? Have all of my plans for the future become dreams rather than achievable goals? It is hard to have a vision for the future when you can barely plan from day to day. It feels pointless to dream, to set goals, to desire more from life . I have watched people I know start their careers, begin to build their future and as much as I am happy for them, I honestly envy what they have. It does sometimes feel like time stood still since I was diagnosed.

So, how do you move forward when you are diagnosed with a chronic illness that will never go away? How can you even begin to plan for the future when you can just about cope with the present? Right now I am still asking myself these questions and am not entirely sure how to answer them but, I have been looking for inspiration.

Since resigning from work last year, I felt like I had lost my sense of purpose. Working full time can result in you getting stuck in an infinite loop of too much work,  not enough sleep and a non existent social life.  When I left I found it hard to adjust to life outside of that loop as people I had met along the way began to drift and I no longer had a routine or an income. As much as it may sound like a dream come true, not having to set an alarm and being able to essentially do what you want when you want, it is not. I miss work. Yes, these are words that I never thought would come out of my mouth. I do not miss the constant stress and pressure that came hand in hand with the job but, I miss the sense of belonging and purpose.   It is near impossible to find a work from home jobs that is legitimate and I would know, I have spent many hours scouring the internet looking for one without any luck.

It is important to remember that your diagnosis is not the be all and end all and it is important not to dwell on it. The same goes for anyone and everyone that is going through a turbulent time and do not see a way out. You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one. If there is no way out then create your own. Don’t compare yourself to others. We all have our good times, our bad times, goals and dreams and each one is different from the next. When you feel like you are falling at the first hurdle whilst your friends are racing ahead, it is so easy to measure yourself against them. Your experiences will make you stronger and will better prepare you for obstacles in the future.

Sometimes it is hard to even believe that you have any strengths when you spend a lot of time feeling weak and defeated. It is easy to focus solely on our struggle and pain rather than look at the bigger picture.

One thing that has begun to help me believe that I do still have a bright future ahead of me is a Fibromyalgia support group. At these groups find myself surrounded by people that I don’t have to explain myself to and have learnt how to deal with problems that I am only just facing. Surrounding yourself with people who understand your situation not only gives you people to talk to but, also gives you a sense of belonging.

Right now, instead of focusing on what you don’t have, instead of focusing on the pain and fatigue, just focus on the present and belonging in the moment. You can lose yourself in all of the stresses and worries of everyday life that sometimes you can forget to take time out to appreciate the little things.  There are so many beautiful reasons to be happy and although being in these situations can make you feel like you have reached a dead end, these is a way of building yourself up to be bigger and better than ever.

My journey has only just begun for me but, I am determined not to let my condition define who I am and my future. 

Your speed dosent matter, forward is forward

Everyday is a fresh start and sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Today i felt that i took another one of those steps. I went along to a Fibromyalgia support event with my mum, dad and boyfriend which allowed me to take one positive step in the right direction. The event was not only about finding out ways of dealing with the condition through mindfulness and physiotherapy but, also about meeting others who go through the same daily experiences. These are people that have had it for a number of years and it was really inspiring to find out how they have managed to cope and how many still manage to stay smiling.  

It is very difficult not to focus on the negative moments that you battle each day but, these negative thoughts can then contribute to your overall emotional state and make the pain even harder to work through which i can personally vouch for. One of the main points i took away from listening to the speakers today were that little steps are better than none. As im sure many have you have been told time and time again, exercise can have a positive impact on your life, not just physically but mentally. However, as chronic pain can make exercise difficult and limit what you can do, today we were told to only do as much as you feel able to do and that you don't have to do it all in one go. On a day were you have a flare up or are having a rest day, few key movements such as moving your legs or lifting your arms, depending on what you are comfortable with, can have more benefits than downsides. Many people, myself included, are scared of exercise as they worry that in our conditions, it can do more damage but, as much as we cant gauge how our pain and fatigue will be effected, exercise is proven to improve your mood and well being. 

After months of coming to terms with my condition, pushing myself to hard and beating myself up over not feeling that im doing enough, today has taught me to listen to my body and take one step at a time. My condition isn't going to go away and working towards looking after my body better will be a lot easier than trying to fight against it. It can be very isolating when your body wants to work against you than with you but, knowing that there will always be people there for me on my good days and there to pick me up on my bad puts me in a better mindful position. 

The moment that warmed my heart the most was witnessing the support from my loved ones. They all made the effort to travel out to the event with me, brought merchandise to support the cause and looked after me every step of the way. 

I would love to hear about other peoples experiences whether you are suffering yourself or know someone that does. I would also love to hear from anyone who lives in North West London who has also been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia as i have only spoken to people further afield :)